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10.28.2013
10.17.2013
Burning Questions about Cremation, Part 1: Super Size Me
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The reality of Spurlock's message is sad but true: we are what we eat, and for many of us, it means we eat more than we should and then, for various reasons, end up weighing more than we should. (Not to mention the domino-health-effects of diabetes, heart-disease, sleep apnea, etc.) Unfortunately, the consequences of less than healthy lifestyles persist even after death. Overweight and obese bodies can pose 'massive' challenges to us undertaker types.
Consider for a moment walking into a room and being faced with a 500+ lb body that you must not only transport multiple times to multiple places, but also clean, embalm, dress, casket and either bury or cremate. It's happened to me multiple times this year alone. If the current trend continues, I have a feeling I'm in for a lot of 'dead weight' over the course of my career. There are various types of mechanisms, equipment, and machinery to help lighten the load, but there is usually still some heavy lifting involved.
It may come as a shock, but there comes a point when no matter how much we try to gloss over things and use euphemisms about death to death, reality must be faced. There are practical considerations like methods of transportation and sizes of containers and even the potential for grease fires during a cremation that must be taken into account when handling the remains of obese individuals.
Sometimes bodies are so large they cannot fit into traditional vehicles or standard caskets or crematory retorts (a retort is the 'oven' part of the crematory into which the body is placed; it is made of brick and concrete and resembles the inside of a pizza oven with a large metal door at the front). Oversized bodies, dead or alive, can be transported in ambulances and even on flat-bed trucks. Oversized corpses require oversized caskets and vaults, and all that weight may mean extra pall bearers or special cemetery equipment. Larger bodies also require larger cremation containers, which may mean special orders or additional transportation to a facility with adequate accommodations. And, as you might guess, extra, special, and additional things translate to extra, special, and additional costs.
Currently, if an oversized person expires in the state of South Carolina and cremation is chosen as the method of disposition, there are only a few locations in the state with facilities large enough to accommodate them. For all the kids slaving away over math homework, I bet you won't see any word problems about cremation in your textbook, but the interior of a standard retort is about 72 cubic feet. The dimensions are approximately 8 ft (L) x 3 ft (W) x 3 (H). This means that a body cannot be over 3 feet wide or high (when the body is lying flat in a supine, or face up, position). And yes, we do measure bodies. Oversized retorts are larger (10 ft x 3.75 ft x 3 ft and up), and can accommodate up to 1,000 lbs, but there are still limits. I suppose if a body was too large to cremate, it would have to be buried.
The cremation process involves air, flames, and temperatures over 1700 F. Combine all of these elements with copious amounts of fat and it creates an environment where fat comes into contact with a very hot surface and, simply put, can translate to a grease fire. These fires can even escape the confines of the retort and jeopardize the building itself and the surrounding area. Bodies with a high fat content are placed into the crematory head-first in an attempt to dissipate the initial ignition flame over the lower end of the body (the feet) instead of directly over the torso. Depending on the size of the body and the elements at play, the cremation burners may even need to be adjusted during the cremation process so that the temperature will not get too hot. Needless to say, constant monitoring is required for these kinds of situations.
I don't mean to scare anyone with any of this information, and please know that despite my humor and candor, these issues are not something I take 'lightly.' As a deathcare professional, it is part of my duty to treat every body with honor and respect and to try in every situation to perform necessary tasks with dignity. The details listed here are, however, the unfortunate facts associated with unfortunate consequences of unhealthy lifestyles and debilitating conditions. Perhaps some of this mental imagery will help motivate you the next time you're feeling like a couch potato. It certainly does for me!
For more information about crematory specs, feel free to search the web or visit: http://www.blcremationsystems.com/
9.30.2013
Cremailing Cremains
I walk into the post office with a small, white cardboard box. It weighs about 2 lbs. ...maybe more.... I don't know. Before the cremation, the body weighed close to 250 lbs... I know this because I helped transport it to the crematory.
The box contains the cremated remains, aka "cremains," of an individual whose family lives in another state. They made arrangements with our funeral home to have us perform the cremation and mail the ashes, or cremains, to them when it was completed. We obtained the necessary paperwork and went about our business. Amidst it all, however, I couldn't help but think of how different that kind of situation is. It seems so detached and unusual to receive a box of cremains in the mail. It is happening more and more often, however.
As I stand in line at the post office, one of the postal workers gives me a sideways glance. She recognizes me. I come here often to mail letters and buy stamps for the funeral home. Every once in a while, I come to mail cremains (and as my dad reminded me....I sometimes call it "cremailing")
I walk up to the counter and place the box on the scale. I tell the attendant I need to pay postage on the package. She asks if there is anything liquid, perishable or potentially hazardous inside. I say, "No, but this box does contain cremated human remains." Her eyes widen a bit and she quickly diverts her attention to the computer screen. She doesn't say anything, and I wonder outloud if she has heard of the new label the USPS has announced they will start using for cremated remains. She says she hasn't. I'm a little disappointed. I watch as she attaches the certified mail receipt to the box. I tap my keys on the counter as I wait for the total to appear on the credit card machine. I swipe the card and thank her for her service as I walk away.
The USPS is the only shipping service that will mail cremains. Companies such as FedEx and UPS will not because they do not assume responsibility for anything that is not replaceable. And of all the things that are not replaceable on this earth, cremains certainly make the short list.
People often ask about the process of cremation and about how we go about getting the 'ashes' (cremains) into an urn or into cremation jewelry. It is a fascinating process and honestly, I love talking about cremation and cremains. I even use the word "cremains" in casual conversation because it is just plain fun to say. It makes people chuckle.....then they start asking questions.....and probably end up finding out more than they ever thought they could know about it.
It brings me joy to shed a little light on the subject.
Have you ever received cremains in the mail?
What burning questions do you have about cremation? (haha... burning.... get it? Mortician joke.)
Feel free to post questions in the comment section below or on the Facebook link.
If you ask, I might write a blog post about it next time!
9.05.2013
I'm Sorry For Your Loss
When a death occurs we say it often: "I'm sorry for your loss." Because what else do you say? I am the first to admit the phrase became overused and empty for me a long time ago, but the message behind it still rings true.....
On any given day, I meet total strangers during one of the worst times in their lives. They are people in various stages of grief, and I often have to take a step back and remind myself of that fact. It sometimes means having to repeat a question numerous times to an elderly widow because maybe she was distracted by the bouquet of flowers sent from her college roommate or maybe she simply didn't understand what I was asking. Maybe the phone is ringing off the hook at a house and my walking in the door with 10 folding chairs is not a priority at the time. I quietly place them by the front door and wait patiently to ask if the family needs anything else right then. I shake hands saying, "I'm sorry for your loss," on my way out. Maybe I get back in the van and eat my lunch while going back to the funeral home and jam out to the radio, because for me, this is an ordinary day. For the people I serve, however, it is anything but. See, while a death may be one of the most painful things your family can face, to us funeral personnel, it's a daily occurrence. It's what we do. It's why we don't let our cell phones get out of sight, and why our closets are filled with dark, muted colors. It's not always easy, but it is not supposed to be.
When a death occurs, it is likely that the family is next to clueless as to what to do. As soon as the phone call is made to the funeral home, however, a process begins. We make checklists. We label clothing. We label people. We order flowers and caskets and vaults and mark graves to be dug. We make a list and check it twice in hopes of minimizing mistakes (unfortunately, we are only human and mistakes still happen...).
In this service based industry, each situation, each family, each deceased individual is different. Each has a story, yet each comes with a unique set of challenges. I would be remiss to say that each funeral is the same ol' same ol'....because it's not. We have a basic procedure to follow, but the details in between are as varied as the day is long. We really are sorry for your loss, but our way of saying it is by taking the necessary care to do the behind the scenes work to help you share about and honor your loved one.
So yes, I'll come back to open the funeral home for the hairdresser at 7 PM, and yes, I'll clean up the water spill from when you knocked over the vase of flowers, and yes, I'll even go with you when you come to town, 20 years after your father was buried, and help you locate his grave in the cemetery. It's the 'funeral director way' of saying, "I'm sorry for your loss," even when the words fail.
On any given day, I meet total strangers during one of the worst times in their lives. They are people in various stages of grief, and I often have to take a step back and remind myself of that fact. It sometimes means having to repeat a question numerous times to an elderly widow because maybe she was distracted by the bouquet of flowers sent from her college roommate or maybe she simply didn't understand what I was asking. Maybe the phone is ringing off the hook at a house and my walking in the door with 10 folding chairs is not a priority at the time. I quietly place them by the front door and wait patiently to ask if the family needs anything else right then. I shake hands saying, "I'm sorry for your loss," on my way out. Maybe I get back in the van and eat my lunch while going back to the funeral home and jam out to the radio, because for me, this is an ordinary day. For the people I serve, however, it is anything but. See, while a death may be one of the most painful things your family can face, to us funeral personnel, it's a daily occurrence. It's what we do. It's why we don't let our cell phones get out of sight, and why our closets are filled with dark, muted colors. It's not always easy, but it is not supposed to be.
In this service based industry, each situation, each family, each deceased individual is different. Each has a story, yet each comes with a unique set of challenges. I would be remiss to say that each funeral is the same ol' same ol'....because it's not. We have a basic procedure to follow, but the details in between are as varied as the day is long. We really are sorry for your loss, but our way of saying it is by taking the necessary care to do the behind the scenes work to help you share about and honor your loved one.
So yes, I'll come back to open the funeral home for the hairdresser at 7 PM, and yes, I'll clean up the water spill from when you knocked over the vase of flowers, and yes, I'll even go with you when you come to town, 20 years after your father was buried, and help you locate his grave in the cemetery. It's the 'funeral director way' of saying, "I'm sorry for your loss," even when the words fail.
8.26.2013
Funeral Giggles
You know the feeling. It starts out as a slight snicker. Something funny happened. Somebody said something or did something---intentionally funny or not--- and all of a sudden you can't stop laughing. You replay the scene over and over in your mind and it gets more funny each time. It happens at the most inconvenient times. Usually at church. Usually during a prayer.
You know the people you can't look at... they'll just make it worse. You bite your lip. You think of puppies abandoned by the roadside. Something, Anything, to make it stop. As soon as you think it's gone. It's not. Your eyes burn hot with tears. You keep laughing that deep, breathless, silent laugh, trying with all your might not to squeak or gasp or snort.
You know the people you can't look at... they'll just make it worse. You bite your lip. You think of puppies abandoned by the roadside. Something, Anything, to make it stop. As soon as you think it's gone. It's not. Your eyes burn hot with tears. You keep laughing that deep, breathless, silent laugh, trying with all your might not to squeak or gasp or snort.
It's really bad when you get the giggles at church. Trust me, it's even worse at a funeral.
Fortunately, we funeral personnel are usually tucked away out of sight during a service and don't often get caught. There have been times when I have had to step outside to regain my composure after seeing an especially amusing outfit or hearing especially amusing conversations. Sometimes funny things happen at funerals and sometimes everyone laughs. Sometimes, however, funny things happen and nobody laughs at all--which typically makes us laugh even more. There are also times when situations are SO somber that one little funny thing can initiate a serious case of the funeral giggles.
One particular incident comes to mind:
It was a stormy day and we had an afternoon funeral. The deceased was relatively young, and we knew to expect a large crowd for the service. The church filled up and as the service started, latecomers gathered in the small narthex. One of my coworkers started to duck out to make a telephone call. He meandered his way through the crowd with ease and quietly slipped out the door. The wind outside, however, caught him off guard. The door closed behind him too quickly and trapped part of his coat tail as it shut. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of his coat tail as he tugged on it from the other side of the door. After a few good pulls, he finally freed it from the grip of the door, but it was too late: I had the funeral giggles. I was cornered in the narthex by the overflowing congregation and did my best to not make eye contact with anyone. As I stared at the floral carpet and bit my lip, all I could think about was my coworker as he stood outside in the storm with his coat tail stuck in the door. It didn't help that another coworker had seen the same thing and was across the little room fighting my same battle with the giggles. I knew that in any other situation, it would not be as funny, but in that moment, it was so difficult to contain laughter.
Situations like these happen on a weekly basis and I'll admit it does add a certain amount of emotional relief from otherwise depressing occasions. I've always had a healthy sense of humor and am notorious for causing funeral giggles among my coworkers. We love to recount stories and tease each other about things after-the-fact. I am learning the importance of not taking myself too seriously, and when something funny happens at work, we just roll our eyes and smile with knowing eyes. Full blown funeral giggles among the staff, however, make for potentially awkward situations with funeral-goers. We all have our own way of quickly shifting back into 'funeral mode' on a dime, but I have a feeling that I'll have some pretty awesome stories of funeral giggles for years to come.
One particular incident comes to mind:
It was a stormy day and we had an afternoon funeral. The deceased was relatively young, and we knew to expect a large crowd for the service. The church filled up and as the service started, latecomers gathered in the small narthex. One of my coworkers started to duck out to make a telephone call. He meandered his way through the crowd with ease and quietly slipped out the door. The wind outside, however, caught him off guard. The door closed behind him too quickly and trapped part of his coat tail as it shut. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of his coat tail as he tugged on it from the other side of the door. After a few good pulls, he finally freed it from the grip of the door, but it was too late: I had the funeral giggles. I was cornered in the narthex by the overflowing congregation and did my best to not make eye contact with anyone. As I stared at the floral carpet and bit my lip, all I could think about was my coworker as he stood outside in the storm with his coat tail stuck in the door. It didn't help that another coworker had seen the same thing and was across the little room fighting my same battle with the giggles. I knew that in any other situation, it would not be as funny, but in that moment, it was so difficult to contain laughter.
Situations like these happen on a weekly basis and I'll admit it does add a certain amount of emotional relief from otherwise depressing occasions. I've always had a healthy sense of humor and am notorious for causing funeral giggles among my coworkers. We love to recount stories and tease each other about things after-the-fact. I am learning the importance of not taking myself too seriously, and when something funny happens at work, we just roll our eyes and smile with knowing eyes. Full blown funeral giggles among the staff, however, make for potentially awkward situations with funeral-goers. We all have our own way of quickly shifting back into 'funeral mode' on a dime, but I have a feeling that I'll have some pretty awesome stories of funeral giggles for years to come.
8.05.2013
The In Between
It has been said that the funeral profession is one that exists in between this world and the next.
It is true that in my little corner of the world of being a funeral director, life and death seem to overlap. Every once in a while, the reality of my position between the two hits me.
I'm sitting in church halfway between being settled and being ready to get up and leave if my phone rings. I glance down at a text message that reads, "All the jewelry will stay on." I'll be leaving soon for a funeral. All the jewelry will stay on. A beloved grandmother will be buried with her cherished wedding band and a small, glittery pin in her hair. The last time her family will see her is when I close the casket at the front of the sanctuary before we leave for the cemetery. All the jewelry will stay on.
It is true that in my little corner of the world of being a funeral director, life and death seem to overlap. Every once in a while, the reality of my position between the two hits me.
I'm sitting in church halfway between being settled and being ready to get up and leave if my phone rings. I glance down at a text message that reads, "All the jewelry will stay on." I'll be leaving soon for a funeral. All the jewelry will stay on. A beloved grandmother will be buried with her cherished wedding band and a small, glittery pin in her hair. The last time her family will see her is when I close the casket at the front of the sanctuary before we leave for the cemetery. All the jewelry will stay on.
The two worlds, life and death, collide every day. Some people experience more loss than others and some losses are more painful than others, but loss is still experienced every single day by someone, somewhere.
Life and death brush up against one another as I help transfer a corpse from the removal cot to the embalming table. My hand firmly grips the shoulder of a lifeless body, pulling it towards me in the most delicate yet intentional way I can manage. Death spills over at times, from the body onto the table, into my nostrils, soiling linens and making me wish I could hold my breath a little longer.
They co-exist, these two worlds, in whatever twisted way that is possible, as I hold the details of a funeral service: date, time, place, music in my mind amidst the grocery list and the nagging reminder to get the oil changed in the car.
Dirt covers the grave at the end of a day. Like death, it's not fresh. Like death, it has been around for a long while; it is the same dirt that has been sitting in that spot since the last disruption. Like death, it settles now, with a certain finality.
I come home. Take a shower. Scrub my hands a little extra. I water my little herb garden and marvel at the life in the little green plants. I stir the compost in the bin, noting the color and consistency of the dirt. Life and death collide every single day, and you'll often find me between them, probably sweating in the August heat, but nonetheless content to be in between.
Life and death brush up against one another as I help transfer a corpse from the removal cot to the embalming table. My hand firmly grips the shoulder of a lifeless body, pulling it towards me in the most delicate yet intentional way I can manage. Death spills over at times, from the body onto the table, into my nostrils, soiling linens and making me wish I could hold my breath a little longer.
They co-exist, these two worlds, in whatever twisted way that is possible, as I hold the details of a funeral service: date, time, place, music in my mind amidst the grocery list and the nagging reminder to get the oil changed in the car.
Dirt covers the grave at the end of a day. Like death, it's not fresh. Like death, it has been around for a long while; it is the same dirt that has been sitting in that spot since the last disruption. Like death, it settles now, with a certain finality.
I come home. Take a shower. Scrub my hands a little extra. I water my little herb garden and marvel at the life in the little green plants. I stir the compost in the bin, noting the color and consistency of the dirt. Life and death collide every single day, and you'll often find me between them, probably sweating in the August heat, but nonetheless content to be in between.
7.17.2013
Now What?
It has been one week since I sat for the National Boards Exams in funeral directing and embalming. Passing those tests was the last major hurdle on my track to becoming a licensed mortician. I am happy to say that I don't have to go back to school in the foreseeable future! All that remains is a final year of apprenticeship and some pesky paperwork.
I finally had a little time to process everything on my evening walk yesterday, and I'll admit, I'm feeling a little lost in the transition. I can't help but liken the feeling to a phenomenon that happens in the grieving process. I like to refer to it as the "Now what?" phenomenon. There may be a more sophisticated term, but I think this gets the point across. The bottom line is that after a major life event, i.e. a loss, new experience, or life change, we often enter a type of 'adjustment period' in which social connections, routines, and priorities shift. Anytime we come to 'an ending,' there is a type of internal pressure as well as that from external sources (peers, society, etc) to move ahead into whatever is next.
People who experience this feeling in relation to the loss of a close loved one can cycle between waves of uncertainty, depression, and helplessness. Sometimes they must take on more responsibilities or learn to do things for themselves. In the wake of a loss, simple changes can seem next to impossible, but over time and with support, hope reappears.
While my current situation is nothing like experiencing the loss of a loved one, I am nonetheless in an 'adjustment period,' and I'm constantly rolling around the question, "Now what?!"
My job is challenging. It is rewarding. I feel like I make a difference. I do make a difference. And each and every day there are new opportunities popping up as I encounter different people and different types of situations. I'm taking it all in and trying not to get too caught up in the, "Now what?" question and just focusing on the "now."
I finally had a little time to process everything on my evening walk yesterday, and I'll admit, I'm feeling a little lost in the transition. I can't help but liken the feeling to a phenomenon that happens in the grieving process. I like to refer to it as the "Now what?" phenomenon. There may be a more sophisticated term, but I think this gets the point across. The bottom line is that after a major life event, i.e. a loss, new experience, or life change, we often enter a type of 'adjustment period' in which social connections, routines, and priorities shift. Anytime we come to 'an ending,' there is a type of internal pressure as well as that from external sources (peers, society, etc) to move ahead into whatever is next.
People who experience this feeling in relation to the loss of a close loved one can cycle between waves of uncertainty, depression, and helplessness. Sometimes they must take on more responsibilities or learn to do things for themselves. In the wake of a loss, simple changes can seem next to impossible, but over time and with support, hope reappears.While my current situation is nothing like experiencing the loss of a loved one, I am nonetheless in an 'adjustment period,' and I'm constantly rolling around the question, "Now what?!"
For me, this adjustment period will lead to a pretty thorough job search in the upcoming year. Right now, however, it means trying a few new recipes, spreading out my evening walks a bit, reading a book or two or ten, and not hesitating to spend a little while longer on the telephone.
If there's one thing my job is teaching me, it is that time is fleeting, but people are valuable. Relationships. Are. Important.My job is challenging. It is rewarding. I feel like I make a difference. I do make a difference. And each and every day there are new opportunities popping up as I encounter different people and different types of situations. I'm taking it all in and trying not to get too caught up in the, "Now what?" question and just focusing on the "now."
7.03.2013
When Funerals aren't As Beautiful
They say there are two sides to every coin. Funerals are no exception. As I wrote in my last post, sometimes funerals are beautiful; they are moments suspended in time, complete with the idyllic blue sky and the telling of stories of a life well-lived over a gentle breeze.
And sometimes they aren't as beautiful. Sometimes they are just plain hard. Funerals are hard because pain is hard. And death is fraught with pain. Mothers, Fathers, Children, Loved Ones. Gone from this world in an instant because death does not discriminate. Death has a way of bringing out our deepest fears and strongest emotions. It can bring us to our knees or it can send fists swinging. Family ties can be strengthened or severed. Communities can be shaken to their core. Mass fatalities, natural disasters, terrorism. Accidents. Illness. Murder. All of it bringing us face-to-face with our mortality. The funeral itself can seem other-worldly, detached, rote. The flowers and the songs and the shiny cars pale in comparison to the heart-wrenching sobs of a young mother over her child.
Somehow, amidst the pain, amidst the tears, we find hope. We find it among the hugs of close friends and near strangers, we find it in the quiet moments spent at the cemetery, right after everyone leaves. Hands are placed on the casket, a final gesture of remembrance. A final good-bye. Hope is there as we drive away from the grave, it follows us home, it sits by us in our sleep and it wakes up with us, always there, always waiting for us to turn around and find it in the stillness. Hope remains alive as waves of grief threaten to overtake us in the days and weeks and years to come. Hope carries us through.
This world will bring pain. This world will bring trouble. This world will bring death. But I for one have hope in a Savior who has conquered this world.
And sometimes they aren't as beautiful. Sometimes they are just plain hard. Funerals are hard because pain is hard. And death is fraught with pain. Mothers, Fathers, Children, Loved Ones. Gone from this world in an instant because death does not discriminate. Death has a way of bringing out our deepest fears and strongest emotions. It can bring us to our knees or it can send fists swinging. Family ties can be strengthened or severed. Communities can be shaken to their core. Mass fatalities, natural disasters, terrorism. Accidents. Illness. Murder. All of it bringing us face-to-face with our mortality. The funeral itself can seem other-worldly, detached, rote. The flowers and the songs and the shiny cars pale in comparison to the heart-wrenching sobs of a young mother over her child.
Somehow, amidst the pain, amidst the tears, we find hope. We find it among the hugs of close friends and near strangers, we find it in the quiet moments spent at the cemetery, right after everyone leaves. Hands are placed on the casket, a final gesture of remembrance. A final good-bye. Hope is there as we drive away from the grave, it follows us home, it sits by us in our sleep and it wakes up with us, always there, always waiting for us to turn around and find it in the stillness. Hope remains alive as waves of grief threaten to overtake us in the days and weeks and years to come. Hope carries us through.
This world will bring pain. This world will bring trouble. This world will bring death. But I for one have hope in a Savior who has conquered this world.
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." -John 16:33 (NIV)
6.24.2013
When Funerals are Beautiful
Death is not usually thought of as beautiful. There isn't much about it that is beautiful or pretty or even pleasant. There is, however, beauty in the remembering, in the time taken to pause and reflect, in the care shown by others. There is also a certain beauty that comes only with age. A dignity. A presence.
There are few things more beautiful than a group of white-haired Southern belles giggling like schoolchildren. Their steps may not be as spry nor as smooth as they once were, but they come bumbling up the walkway nonetheless. Their hands may be gnarled and shaky, but their dress and seasoned voices are, in a word, elegant. Though they are in mourning of a dear friend, they still know what to hold onto in this life. They shush each other as they clamor up the church steps. My imagination hopes they are recounting a scandalous story of days gone by, of young love and late nights. Then again, perhaps it is a story of the children, saying things that only children do. The children, after the nights of rocking them to sleep, of worrying over them and bathing them and gently smoothing their hair. The children who would grow up only to refuse to eat their broccoli and then get all those speeding tickets. The children who are gathered here today too, sitting in the front pew. The ones who have children of their own now, who might be experiencing this thing called death for the first time. The ones who came here to remember and to honor the beauty in the life that was lived.
There aren't many things about death that are beautiful, but it is my job as a funeral professional to make more of them come into being. Preparing the body, washing hair, buttoning shirts, tying ties, painting nails, positioning in the casket.... All of it to be sure the good memories are talked about, laughed about, and held onto for just a little while longer.
So we set out the flowers and turn on the lights and make sure the Kleenex's are within arm's reach. We smooth the fabric in the casket and speak gently as much as we can. We print out the programs and, if you're lucky, we might even wash the cars. We bow our heads when you bow yours. As you open your hymnal to "How Great Thou Art," we stand in the back and sing along because we know it by heart. And it is beautiful.
There are few things more beautiful than a group of white-haired Southern belles giggling like schoolchildren. Their steps may not be as spry nor as smooth as they once were, but they come bumbling up the walkway nonetheless. Their hands may be gnarled and shaky, but their dress and seasoned voices are, in a word, elegant. Though they are in mourning of a dear friend, they still know what to hold onto in this life. They shush each other as they clamor up the church steps. My imagination hopes they are recounting a scandalous story of days gone by, of young love and late nights. Then again, perhaps it is a story of the children, saying things that only children do. The children, after the nights of rocking them to sleep, of worrying over them and bathing them and gently smoothing their hair. The children who would grow up only to refuse to eat their broccoli and then get all those speeding tickets. The children who are gathered here today too, sitting in the front pew. The ones who have children of their own now, who might be experiencing this thing called death for the first time. The ones who came here to remember and to honor the beauty in the life that was lived.
There aren't many things about death that are beautiful, but it is my job as a funeral professional to make more of them come into being. Preparing the body, washing hair, buttoning shirts, tying ties, painting nails, positioning in the casket.... All of it to be sure the good memories are talked about, laughed about, and held onto for just a little while longer.
6.09.2013
Are You Smarter than a Funeral Director?
I'm in the throes of preparing for my National Board Examinations in funeral directing and embalming, which I will be taking in less than a month (eeek!). I thought I would invite you along on the journey by offering you the opportunity to take a short quiz of your very own. Below, you will find 10 questions covering a variety of topics in funeral service. Take the quiz to see if you have what it takes to be a funeral director. If you're really brave, post your own answers in the comment section. The answer key has been inserted at the bottom so you can compare your answers with mine.
1) The term for placing cremated remains into a final container is:
A. Entombment
B. Interment
C. Inurnment
D. Cremains interment
2) It is an FTC requirement that which of the following must be offered to customers for their information and retention?
A. Casket Price List
B. Outer Burial Container Price List
C. General Price List
D. All of the above
3) According to OSHA, the formaldehyde standard for short term exposure is:
A. 0.5 ppm/8 hours
B. 2 ppm/15 minutes
C. 0.75 ppm/2 hours
D. 0.75 ppm/30 minutes
4) Embalming is usually not practiced by members of which religious tradition:
A. Mormon
B. Jewish Orthodox
C. Catholic
D. non-liturgical Protestant
5) Statement of Death by Funeral Director form:
A. SSA-8
B. Form 40-1330
C. DD-214
D. SSA-721
6) Which of the following is one of the first organs to decompose?
A. Lining of the trachea
B. Mesentery
C. Nonpregnant uterus
D. Urinary bladder
7) In a Roman Catholic Funeral Mass, the casket of a lay-person is traditionally placed:
A. Horizontally in front of the altar
B. With the foot end towards the altar
C. With the head end towards the altar
D. None of the above
8) The path of one drop of blood travelling away from the heart to the right forearm:
I. axillary artery
II. brachiocephalic artery
III. brachial artery
IV. subclavian artery
A. I, II, IV, III
B. III, II, I, IV
C. III, IV, I, II
D. II, IV, I, III
9) Which of the following is a postmortem physical change?
A. livor mortis
B. postmortem caloricity
C. rigor mortis
D. postmortem stain
10) Sorbitol is an example of a:
A. Disinfectant
B. Buffer
C. Humectant
D. Solvent
I've had complaints that the quiz was too difficult, and to be honest, I'm not sure the majority of morticians could get all these questions right. These few questions, however, are remarkably representative of the kinds of things asked on my upcoming licensure exams. I hope it at least gives you a glimpse into the wide, wide range of topics and issues involved in funeral service. Next time you see one of us mortician types standing around at a funeral or a graveside, remember what all we've done to get to that point. As always, if you would like more information about anything you see here, please feel free to ask.
1) The term for placing cremated remains into a final container is:
A. Entombment
B. Interment
C. Inurnment
D. Cremains interment
2) It is an FTC requirement that which of the following must be offered to customers for their information and retention?
A. Casket Price List
B. Outer Burial Container Price List
C. General Price List
D. All of the above
3) According to OSHA, the formaldehyde standard for short term exposure is:
A. 0.5 ppm/8 hours
B. 2 ppm/15 minutes
C. 0.75 ppm/2 hours
D. 0.75 ppm/30 minutes
4) Embalming is usually not practiced by members of which religious tradition:
A. Mormon
B. Jewish Orthodox
C. Catholic
D. non-liturgical Protestant
5) Statement of Death by Funeral Director form:
A. SSA-8
B. Form 40-1330
C. DD-214
D. SSA-721
6) Which of the following is one of the first organs to decompose?
A. Lining of the trachea
B. Mesentery
C. Nonpregnant uterus
D. Urinary bladder
7) In a Roman Catholic Funeral Mass, the casket of a lay-person is traditionally placed:
A. Horizontally in front of the altar
B. With the foot end towards the altar
C. With the head end towards the altar
D. None of the above
8) The path of one drop of blood travelling away from the heart to the right forearm:
I. axillary artery
II. brachiocephalic artery
III. brachial artery
IV. subclavian artery
A. I, II, IV, III
B. III, II, I, IV
C. III, IV, I, II
D. II, IV, I, III
9) Which of the following is a postmortem physical change?
A. livor mortis
B. postmortem caloricity
C. rigor mortis
D. postmortem stain
10) Sorbitol is an example of a:
A. Disinfectant
B. Buffer
C. Humectant
D. Solvent
Ok, folks, here are the answers:
1. C-Inurnment
2. C-General Price List
3. B-2ppm/15 minutes
4. B-Jewish Orthodox
5. D-SSA-721
6. A-lining of the trachea
7. B-with the foot end towards the altar
8. D-brachiocephalic, subclavian, axillary, brachial
9. A-livor mortis (intravascular discoloration)
10. C-Humectant
I've had complaints that the quiz was too difficult, and to be honest, I'm not sure the majority of morticians could get all these questions right. These few questions, however, are remarkably representative of the kinds of things asked on my upcoming licensure exams. I hope it at least gives you a glimpse into the wide, wide range of topics and issues involved in funeral service. Next time you see one of us mortician types standing around at a funeral or a graveside, remember what all we've done to get to that point. As always, if you would like more information about anything you see here, please feel free to ask.
5.28.2013
Funeral Speak: Personalization
Pervasive in the funeral industry is a vocabulary unique to the trade. There are business words, buzzwords, embalming words, merchandising words, cemetery words, etc. in which the general public is not well versed. To present you with a list of such words would be oh so boring and uninformative, so I plan to cover one on this blog every once in a while.
Today's word is personalization.
In layman's terms, personalization is a noun meaning "individualization" or "uniqueness." Turns out, it means the same thing in the funeral world, but with a bit of a twist. To personalize a funeral is to plan it so that it honors an individual in a special way. Having said that, it is important to note the broad spectrum of personalization.... There may be a favorite song to be sung or a favorite dress to be worn. There may be pictures to display or a flag to be folded or refreshments to be served. There may even be something outlandish such as we see on television shows like TLC's "Best Funeral Ever," where anything goes.... from professional mourners to a Christmas sleigh used for transporting a casket.
It is our job as funeral directors to oversee the process and attend to details that will make the 'personalized' funeral a (favorably) memorable experience. Sometimes it takes considerable creativity to pull everything off without a hitch. Sometimes it takes last-minute scrambling to deal with hiccups in the plan. Whatever it takes, personalization can be a great thing. In fact, it is my belief that personalized funerals/caskets/displays/urns/etc. are the wave of the future for the funeral industry. The deathcare business as many of us think of it is a product of American culture, with all of its materialism and individualism thrown in for better or worse. Personalized touches are therefore becoming increasingly invaluable to the industry, and I think it is important to incorporate them in unique ways which serve to honor the life lived.
One shining example of a personalized funeral comes from a service that is close to my heart. My maternal grandfather passed away a year ago today, and his funeral stands as one of the most unique services I have attended to date. You see, my grandpa, Pop, was a fireman.
He was a pillar in the community and he was known by everyone as the "old man." He was the best BBQ cook around and he would give you the shirt off his back plus $100 to get you where you were going. He loved serving people and many of those people in the community banded together to honor him at his funeral.
His casket was transported to the church on the back of a firetruck followed by even more firetrucks from many neighboring counties. The funeral procession traveled down a main highway, where policemen and other emergency responders lined the road. At the graveside, there was a 'last-call' over the radio.... and sitting there, even in the sweltering May heat, I will always remember the warmth I felt from knowing he was laid to rest well. The community he loved and the family he loved came together to make his funeral one to remember. I very much look forward to being a part of other such services as I work in this field.
Today's word is personalization.
In layman's terms, personalization is a noun meaning "individualization" or "uniqueness." Turns out, it means the same thing in the funeral world, but with a bit of a twist. To personalize a funeral is to plan it so that it honors an individual in a special way. Having said that, it is important to note the broad spectrum of personalization.... There may be a favorite song to be sung or a favorite dress to be worn. There may be pictures to display or a flag to be folded or refreshments to be served. There may even be something outlandish such as we see on television shows like TLC's "Best Funeral Ever," where anything goes.... from professional mourners to a Christmas sleigh used for transporting a casket.
It is our job as funeral directors to oversee the process and attend to details that will make the 'personalized' funeral a (favorably) memorable experience. Sometimes it takes considerable creativity to pull everything off without a hitch. Sometimes it takes last-minute scrambling to deal with hiccups in the plan. Whatever it takes, personalization can be a great thing. In fact, it is my belief that personalized funerals/caskets/displays/urns/etc. are the wave of the future for the funeral industry. The deathcare business as many of us think of it is a product of American culture, with all of its materialism and individualism thrown in for better or worse. Personalized touches are therefore becoming increasingly invaluable to the industry, and I think it is important to incorporate them in unique ways which serve to honor the life lived.
One shining example of a personalized funeral comes from a service that is close to my heart. My maternal grandfather passed away a year ago today, and his funeral stands as one of the most unique services I have attended to date. You see, my grandpa, Pop, was a fireman.
Thinking of Pop today, and remembering him well.....
5.15.2013
Fresh grief.
Small talk is just not comfortable around death.
In times of fresh grief, words fail. Words can actually make things worse. Sometimes, silence is the only answer to the questions that don't have answers.
It's like when a child misses his parent and all he can do is look out the window, waiting. He is at the age when he can barely speak anyway, so he doesn't say much. Most anything you do to tear him away from that window results in crying; in pain. To soothe him seems too difficult. In actuality, all you really have to do is hold him and let him know you understand. You understand with a part of yourself that aches for perhaps a different reason. You understand because you can identify with his feelings, though you can't feel exactly what he feels; and, for that reason, to tell him you understand will not help the situation.
The silence can be uncomfortable. All you can do is make room for the pain and the tears and the unknown. You hope that eventually he'll find his way out of it.
Fresh grief has a distinct look to it. It's raw and unbridled and scary. After a while, it starts to gnaw away at too much of the insides of the people it affects until it begins to make its way out somehow, some way. It fumbles its way out, snotting, gasping, grasping for anything it can.
In times of fresh grief, words fail. Words can actually make things worse. Sometimes, silence is the only answer to the questions that don't have answers.
It's like when a child misses his parent and all he can do is look out the window, waiting. He is at the age when he can barely speak anyway, so he doesn't say much. Most anything you do to tear him away from that window results in crying; in pain. To soothe him seems too difficult. In actuality, all you really have to do is hold him and let him know you understand. You understand with a part of yourself that aches for perhaps a different reason. You understand because you can identify with his feelings, though you can't feel exactly what he feels; and, for that reason, to tell him you understand will not help the situation.
The silence can be uncomfortable. All you can do is make room for the pain and the tears and the unknown. You hope that eventually he'll find his way out of it.
Fresh grief has a distinct look to it. It's raw and unbridled and scary. After a while, it starts to gnaw away at too much of the insides of the people it affects until it begins to make its way out somehow, some way. It fumbles its way out, snotting, gasping, grasping for anything it can.
The world of death collides with the world of the living and we don't know what to do with it. We find ourselves standing on the edge of this life and the next, peering over the edge of an open casket..... In these situations, I find myself holding a box of Kleenexes and waiting for the right time to reach over and offer a hug to a complete stranger who has now been irreversibly linked to me by this moment. We both know there's nothing to say. So we don't say anything. We walk ahead into the uncertainty, fresh grief dripping from eyes and a mixture emotions swirling around the room. This, my prayer: "Peace, be still."
4.29.2013
Old Soul
I have always admired people who can jump into any situation with confidence and an iron gut. There are people who don't bat an eye when changing a dirty diaper, or who will rush into a burning building with a fire hose, or who will do countless thankless jobs with both a sense of purpose and a smile.
I realized the other day... I won't tell you the exact moment... because, well, you wouldn't want to hear it... but I have become one of those people. Or have I always been one of those people? I don't know. What came first, the chicken or the egg?
Anyway, I relish in the fact that people tend to agree with me when I say that I'm an old soul. It at least accounts for my herb garden and my stacks of books and my job as a mortician.
This weekend, I had the chance to attend the National Funeral Directors Association (NFDA) Professional Women's Conference in Greenville, SC. In a room of around 100 female funeral professionals from all over North America, I was definitely one of the youngest, if not THE youngest. Throughout the course of the events at the conference, I watched the interactions of the ladies and was content to sit and think to myself how neat it was to be in a room with people who know what it means to be a female in this business and who are striving for excellence in the midst of the challenges. This was a room full of wives and mothers and grandmothers who understand what it takes to embalm an infant or to direct a service for a beloved grandparent or pillar of a community. Not that men don't understand......it's just....different.... from a woman's perspective.
These women are some of the best in the field and the collective energy and experience in the room was overwhelming. In an afternoon session, we sat around our tables and discussed issues in funeral service in a type of guided brainstorming activity. Our group had a lively discussion about generating revenue in our respective funeral homes and I rather enjoyed getting to hear some of the stories from around the country.
I'll have to admit, coming from a small, distinctly Southern funeral home, much of what was discussed sounded like a foreign language to me. People from some of the bigger, corporately owned firms spoke at length about catering packages and events facilities they offer to families and to their communities. It seems the days of a good old fashioned church sponsored luncheon have come and gone in most large cities. Some locations even employ 'celebrants' to serve as officiants for humanistic, or secular, funeral services. There was also talk of cremation gardens and niche walls at college campuses and even a type of ark that allows for pallbearers to carry an urn of cremains into a sanctuary (in the hopes of reducing the numbers of 'direct' cremations- sans service- and offering a full funeral service, complete with pallbearers.) It was a fast paced activity and my eyes and ears were open the whole time as I tried to take in the wide range of funeral products and services available. We all agreed, however, that no matter how big or small your firm is, it is important to create value and to be able to communicate that value to your clients in a way that is both efficient and honoring to the life they are there to commemorate. Believe it or not, the deathcare business is always changing, and it takes ingenuity and an open mind to be a forerunner in the field.
It came time for each group to present their topics to the rest of the audience and, in a moment of awkward glancing around and pointing of fingers, my group chose me. I only panicked slightly and said I would do it but only if one of them stood up at the front with me for moral support...and to turn the pages on our group's easel board. After a brief snack break, during which I was still internally freaking out, the groups presented their discussions. My turn was last. I mustered all the courage I could in this old soul of mine and went up to address this group of women. As I talked, there was laughter and agreement and engagement and I couldn't help but think about how surreal it was for little ole me to be standing in such a position in a room full of seasoned professionals. Somehow, I fit right in. After it was all said and done, I got quite a few pats on the back and plenty of encouraging words. I am beyond grateful for the compliments and for the chance to be a part of something so unique. Who knows.... I might be up there speaking again one day.
I realized the other day... I won't tell you the exact moment... because, well, you wouldn't want to hear it... but I have become one of those people. Or have I always been one of those people? I don't know. What came first, the chicken or the egg?
Anyway, I relish in the fact that people tend to agree with me when I say that I'm an old soul. It at least accounts for my herb garden and my stacks of books and my job as a mortician.
This weekend, I had the chance to attend the National Funeral Directors Association (NFDA) Professional Women's Conference in Greenville, SC. In a room of around 100 female funeral professionals from all over North America, I was definitely one of the youngest, if not THE youngest. Throughout the course of the events at the conference, I watched the interactions of the ladies and was content to sit and think to myself how neat it was to be in a room with people who know what it means to be a female in this business and who are striving for excellence in the midst of the challenges. This was a room full of wives and mothers and grandmothers who understand what it takes to embalm an infant or to direct a service for a beloved grandparent or pillar of a community. Not that men don't understand......it's just....different.... from a woman's perspective.
These women are some of the best in the field and the collective energy and experience in the room was overwhelming. In an afternoon session, we sat around our tables and discussed issues in funeral service in a type of guided brainstorming activity. Our group had a lively discussion about generating revenue in our respective funeral homes and I rather enjoyed getting to hear some of the stories from around the country.
I'll have to admit, coming from a small, distinctly Southern funeral home, much of what was discussed sounded like a foreign language to me. People from some of the bigger, corporately owned firms spoke at length about catering packages and events facilities they offer to families and to their communities. It seems the days of a good old fashioned church sponsored luncheon have come and gone in most large cities. Some locations even employ 'celebrants' to serve as officiants for humanistic, or secular, funeral services. There was also talk of cremation gardens and niche walls at college campuses and even a type of ark that allows for pallbearers to carry an urn of cremains into a sanctuary (in the hopes of reducing the numbers of 'direct' cremations- sans service- and offering a full funeral service, complete with pallbearers.) It was a fast paced activity and my eyes and ears were open the whole time as I tried to take in the wide range of funeral products and services available. We all agreed, however, that no matter how big or small your firm is, it is important to create value and to be able to communicate that value to your clients in a way that is both efficient and honoring to the life they are there to commemorate. Believe it or not, the deathcare business is always changing, and it takes ingenuity and an open mind to be a forerunner in the field.
It came time for each group to present their topics to the rest of the audience and, in a moment of awkward glancing around and pointing of fingers, my group chose me. I only panicked slightly and said I would do it but only if one of them stood up at the front with me for moral support...and to turn the pages on our group's easel board. After a brief snack break, during which I was still internally freaking out, the groups presented their discussions. My turn was last. I mustered all the courage I could in this old soul of mine and went up to address this group of women. As I talked, there was laughter and agreement and engagement and I couldn't help but think about how surreal it was for little ole me to be standing in such a position in a room full of seasoned professionals. Somehow, I fit right in. After it was all said and done, I got quite a few pats on the back and plenty of encouraging words. I am beyond grateful for the compliments and for the chance to be a part of something so unique. Who knows.... I might be up there speaking again one day.
4.14.2013
A Funeral Director Goes to Disney World
As far as I am aware, there has never been a funeral at Disney World. I could be wrong, but I don't think it has happened yet.
However, there are plenty of people out there who have been both to funerals and to Disney World. There is a slightly smaller group of people who work in the funeral profession and who have been to Disney World. I am one of these people. In the midst of walking the crowded streets of Disney World last week, I couldn't get funerals off my mind. Granted, there are marked differences between the two:
However, there are plenty of people out there who have been both to funerals and to Disney World. There is a slightly smaller group of people who work in the funeral profession and who have been to Disney World. I am one of these people. In the midst of walking the crowded streets of Disney World last week, I couldn't get funerals off my mind. Granted, there are marked differences between the two:
Disney World is loud. Funerals, typically, are not.
Funerals are sad. Disney World, typically, is not.
Disney World has cotton candy. Funerals, typically, do not. (Although I have served banana popsicles at a funeral).
You get the picture.
The similarities, however, are a bit more interesting.
Hurry Up and Wait.
Disney World, and most theme parks for that matter, are known for long lines and lots of waiting around. Turns out, so are visitations and funerals. People who attend visitations and funerals know this. And I know this because I see another side of the story.....we funeral professionals wait around a lot. We wait around on people to show up, and on paperwork to come in, and on a multitude of other things that simply have to be waited on by someone. Our unwritten motto is, "Hurry up and wait." We rush to remove a body. Then we wait while the family decides what to do. We start the embalming process. Then we wait to let it all sink in. We rush, rush, rush to get to a church on time with all the right things. And then we wait. Until it's time to rush, rush, rush to get all the things to the cemetery, where we'll just wait again. There seems to be lots of people watching and quite a bit of small talk in both situations. The only difference I can find is that waiting at Disney World usually leads to a fun roller coaster. Funerals, not so much.
Weather Dependent
Rain, snow, sleet, shine. Weather is so uncontrollable. Ever been to a rainy funeral? What about to a rainy day at Disney World? They are both pretty bad. Have any sunburns that you lived to tell about? Yeah, those happen at gravesides too. Splash Mountain is not so fun in chilly temperatures. Neither is working in the dark twilight of a cold winter's night to get a grave filled after a late funeral. Still, I'd rather have bad weather at a funeral than at Disney World. Just saying.
Meltdowns
One stroll around Magic Kingdom and you're guaranteed to hear some children crying. Meltdowns happen. I get it. Trust me, I get it. People cry all the time at funerals. The tears are nothing to be ashamed of in either case, but I find funeral tears slightly more tolerable than Disney World tears.
Transportation
There are lots of moving parts at Disney World. So it goes for funerals. I lost count of how many buses and ferry-boats and mono-rails I boarded over the course of the short vacation. Each one was headed somewhere I needed to go and would arrive there within a fairly reasonable amount of time. It makes one marvel at the amounts of energy expended and consumed in that small corner of the world. It feels the same way at funerals sometimes. Hearses, family cars, flower vans, lead cars, clergy cars, dump trucks, vault trucks, church trucks, removal cots, etc. The funeral business has a lot of vehicles, each with a very specific job, and usually on a very specific schedule. Disney Parade.......Funeral Procession. Think about it.
Behind the Scenes
This one is worth saying again: there are lots of moving parts at Disney World. I had on adult eyes while visiting the parks this time, and as I watched the cast workers, I caught a glimpse of all the little details that make Disney World "magical." Funerals are kind of the same way. There is a ton of behind the scenes work that goes into a funeral. Many people have no idea exactly how many things must be taken care of in short windows of time to get a funeral off without a hitch. While the funeral business hasn't integrated towels folded into animal shapes or standard issue mouse ears for the average funeral goer, I do have a few casket-shaped novelties like keychains and notepads. Not as cool as Mickey Mouse. But still.
Until next time,
3.25.2013
Risky Business: Embalming 101
What is embalming? Well....
Embalming is a process of temporary preservation, sanitation, and restoration of body tissues after death. At least, that's the textbook answer. The real answer is that embalming is a delicate mix of art and science--one that can (and will) make or break the funeral business as we know it. There is a lot of mystery behind the process of embalming.... probably for good reason... but, nonetheless, it is part of the distance our culture has created in all matters regarding death and dying.
Embalming is a process of temporary preservation, sanitation, and restoration of body tissues after death. At least, that's the textbook answer. The real answer is that embalming is a delicate mix of art and science--one that can (and will) make or break the funeral business as we know it. There is a lot of mystery behind the process of embalming.... probably for good reason... but, nonetheless, it is part of the distance our culture has created in all matters regarding death and dying.
Simply put, embalming is the drainage of blood from the body and subsequent injection of preservative chemicals. This is most often done by utilizing the vessels of the extensive, beautifully built-in circulatory system, as well as by supplemental injection of stronger fluids into the viscera (where all the nasty bacteria live). The process is multi-dimensional and entirely dependent on individual circumstances. There are a multitude of chemicals, techniques, products, etc. for almost any situation you could imagine.... because.... the goal is to be able to provide an open-casket for any case that comes through the doors.
Embalming even the most straightforward case does not come without its challenges, and trust me, it's not for the faint of heart (or stomach). I've been on a pretty steep learning curve when it comes to embalming and I'm finding out that it's not so much about knowing how to do everything right... it's about knowing how to fix things when they start to go wrong. Good life lesson there.
Embalming a body requires all these things; skills, techniques, chemicals, products, but at the end of the day, each body is different and it is a process that is not without its risks. There are risks when it comes to restoring the body to a more natural appearance. There's always a risk the body won't turn out well. There's also a risk the family will simply not like what you've done even if the body does turn out well. There is a risk too of rapid decomposition, even after thorough embalming. There are also behind the scenes risks of the health and safety of we embalmers who deal with the chemicals and the instruments and the dead bodies themselves. Protective measures are taken, universal precautions, we call them... because you never know what you're going to run into when faced with a body--dead or alive.
 |
| Instruments used for Elvis Presley's Autopsy. Click for image credit. |
Embalming a body requires all these things; skills, techniques, chemicals, products, but at the end of the day, each body is different and it is a process that is not without its risks. There are risks when it comes to restoring the body to a more natural appearance. There's always a risk the body won't turn out well. There's also a risk the family will simply not like what you've done even if the body does turn out well. There is a risk too of rapid decomposition, even after thorough embalming. There are also behind the scenes risks of the health and safety of we embalmers who deal with the chemicals and the instruments and the dead bodies themselves. Protective measures are taken, universal precautions, we call them... because you never know what you're going to run into when faced with a body--dead or alive.
We have plenty of OSHA guidelines and specialized equipment to keep us as safe as possible in most situations. We have lifts, and gloves, and cots, and tables, and tubes, and all kinds of neat things to get the job done. And it's all really easy as long as you can see the potential problems at hand. For example: you get a death call from the hospital. The deceased is about 350 lbs. Take two people. Position the cot so it allows for the body to be moved head first, discuss options for oversized caskets and/or cremation. Etc.
But what about the things we can't see? Arteriosclerosis. Bacteria. Blood clots. Infectious diseases. Bloodborne pathogens. All the things your mom told you not to talk to, even if they offered you candy. Yeah. They can interfere with the embalming process and can be just plain dangerous. REALLY dangerous. That's why universal precautions are absolutely necessary. And that's why we use specialized equipment and some really powerful disinfectants. We are not only concerned about having microorganisms transfer from the bodies to us workers, but also from one dead body to other dead bodies. Some of the more commonly thought of dangers include tuberculosis, MRSA, Hepatitis A, B, and C, Clostridium perfringens, and HIV.
Draining the blood and then effectively giving the tissues a good dose of formaldehyde takes care of most of the risk, but we still have to be careful. There are everyday occupational hazards like needle sticks, fluid spills, and inhalation dangers that we are always looking out for. It is thought that HIV cannot live outside of the body longer than 4 hours, but other diseases, like hepatitis and those caused by most bacteria can live on surfaces for days. Did you know that TB is the oldest known communicable disease? That is mostly because tuberculosis is readily transmitted through inhalation and because it is more resistant to environmental factors due to its ability to form endospores, or protective capsules, that can allow it to survive for hundreds of years. Muah-ha-ha.
The point is really to minimize risks in every way possible for all involved: embalmers, the deceased, the family, and the general public. We truly have to treat every case as if it were potentially dangerous because we often don't find out otherwise until after most of our work has been done. There is certainly room for improvement throughout the deathcare industry, especially in regards to updating older funeral homes and having universal requirements for different steps in the embalming process.
It ultimately comes down to the level of professionalism practiced by individual employees. Education is key. So is having adequate resources. Communication within the firm and with the families is paramount to doing good business, and it is important to be honest about what can and cannot be done in each situation, even if it ruffles some feathers. The good thing is that bad cases are usually few and far between--people can get away with not knowing all that goes on behind the scenes....and whether that is good or bad is up for debate.
To be continued.....
But what about the things we can't see? Arteriosclerosis. Bacteria. Blood clots. Infectious diseases. Bloodborne pathogens. All the things your mom told you not to talk to, even if they offered you candy. Yeah. They can interfere with the embalming process and can be just plain dangerous. REALLY dangerous. That's why universal precautions are absolutely necessary. And that's why we use specialized equipment and some really powerful disinfectants. We are not only concerned about having microorganisms transfer from the bodies to us workers, but also from one dead body to other dead bodies. Some of the more commonly thought of dangers include tuberculosis, MRSA, Hepatitis A, B, and C, Clostridium perfringens, and HIV.
 |
| HIV attacking a human cell. Click for image credit. |
The point is really to minimize risks in every way possible for all involved: embalmers, the deceased, the family, and the general public. We truly have to treat every case as if it were potentially dangerous because we often don't find out otherwise until after most of our work has been done. There is certainly room for improvement throughout the deathcare industry, especially in regards to updating older funeral homes and having universal requirements for different steps in the embalming process.
It ultimately comes down to the level of professionalism practiced by individual employees. Education is key. So is having adequate resources. Communication within the firm and with the families is paramount to doing good business, and it is important to be honest about what can and cannot be done in each situation, even if it ruffles some feathers. The good thing is that bad cases are usually few and far between--people can get away with not knowing all that goes on behind the scenes....and whether that is good or bad is up for debate.
To be continued.....
3.05.2013
What's Your "Comfort Level" with Death?
My mother and brother recently came to 'Clinnon' to tend to some business at PC. While they were in town, they stopped by to see me at work. Naturally, I gave them a little tour of the funeral home.
As I led them around, I noticed how consciously aware I was of their reactions to different things I showed them, and that I was especially careful when leading them into a visitation room with an open casket. You see, I know from growing up going to visitations and funerals with my parents that saying that my mom does not particularly 'like' open caskets is an understatement. She tentatively approached the casket, stopping well outside of arm's reach. My brother was not much more adventurous. They asked a few questions and then we carried on with the tour.
The isolated experience with my mom and brother didn't mean much to me at the time. In fact, I sort of forgot about it...... UNTIL......
Somebody died. The family came in the next day to finalize arrangements. We had a brief conversation. I led them down the hallway for an initial viewing of the body, which we had embalmed, dressed, and casketed. I opened the door to the private viewing room and motioned for them to enter the room. All of this was very 'normal' to me. Then, it dawned on me.... Why was I doing it like that? It was like I didn't want to intrude on their personal space with their dead loved one. I was standing back, expecting them to go into the room and do their 'grief thing' while I went back to what I had been doing before they arrived. It slowly occurred to me that they might not actually want to go into the room.... at least not alone. Some of them (probably all of them) might be unsure, confused, or absolutely terrified. I wondered if I was doing them a disservice by hanging back in the doorway, or if I was doing exactly what I should be doing: giving them space.
As funeral professionals, it's sometimes hard to gauge peoples' "comfort level" with death right off the bat; it's something we have to ease into with families. It takes time. It takes conversations, and eye contact, and buzz words, and a little bit of awkwardness, and probably too much 'professional' distance on our part. We don't have a personal history with many of the people we interact with on a daily basis, so unlike the situation with my own family, we have very little to go off of unless the individuals actually tell us how they feel. ....And it's amazing how clammed up and inconsistent people get around death.
What about you? What's your "comfort level?" Open casket or closed? Would you want space? Or more direction? It's all very subjective and dependent on the circumstances.
A talk from a convention I went to earlier this year is echoing in my mind as I write this. The topic was along the lines of how much the field of funeral service has changed in the past few decades and how little actual funeral home design and basic merchandise has changed. One point made was about caskets: At the end of the day, a casket is a casket is a casket. (Unless it's a coffin....but that's another story for another day).
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| http://www.donnachaidhinternational.com/2012/09/what-is-the-difference-between-a-casket-and-a-coffin/ |
2.19.2013
Women of the Funeral Home
I'm an educated young woman working in a small, Southern funeral home.
Think about it for a minute. It's a statement that holds so much more than you know.
Think about it for a minute. It's a statement that holds so much more than you know.
In the short time I've been here, I've heard a lot--platitudes, playful banter, downright perversion. I get it. I'm probably an unexpected sight. In fact, my young colleague and I have been referred to as 'novelties.' It sometimes seems that I don't fit in among the gray-haired men and red-dirt covered gravediggers. I try to look the part, wearing conservative clothing and composing my words and demeanor with maturity and sincerity. Steps and movements have become more measured and reserved. I only hope to appear graceful, which, if you know me, is easier said than done for my tomboy self.
After funerals I sometimes hear,
"I'm so glad there are young people like you interested in doing things like this!"
or, "So nice to see a pretty face around here!"
Still, there are days when compliments barely outweigh the negativity. Issues directly linked to my gender and perceived aptitude are brought up and challenged daily. When I think of the societal implications of my chosen career, I just don't think women should feel so out of place or uncomfortable in the funeral business. After all, death does not discriminate, and, historically speaking at least, women have fulfilled care-taking and event planning roles quite well. BUT there's always a little old lady saying,
"Those men need to be out there washing those cars!"
or, "How do you expect to raise a family with a job like this?"
or, "How do you expect to raise a family with a job like this?"
I usually just smile and change the subject. I'll cross that bridge when I get there. And I'll wash all the cars along the way.
I know what it feels like to be looked down upon.
I know what it feels like to be stared up and down.
I know what it feels like to be blatantly ignored.
I also, however, know what it feels like to be welcomed into a home with a,
"Come on in, honey! Let me show you the clothes we picked out for mama. Oh, and here's some of her lipstick. What do you think?," followed by a soft touch of a hand on mine and a gentle whisper, "...I know you will take good care of her."
I've had to learn when to take a step back and let a man handle things. And they've had to learn when to step down and let one of us women come in with a little bit of a softer touch. It may also be that men (and women) feel more at ease to show emotion or even *gasp* cry in front of a female funeral director as opposed to a male. And let's not even get started on whole 'male ego'/'won't stop to ask for directions' thing...
It's not uncharted territory, and luckily for me, my fierce sense of independence kicks in and I am thankful to have been surrounded by strong women throughout my life--women who have taught me to work hard and to use my voice and to stand up for what is right; they have shown me that women are intelligent and important and influential and that, as a woman and as a child of God, I matter. I believe I have unique gifts that rival many men's abilities to remain sympathetic and engaged with a mourning family while also planning and organizing the details of a funeral. Perhaps you agree with me or perhaps you don't. All I know is that each day brings new stories and new challenges and new realizations. I hope to be able to look back on this season of growth with a spirit of appreciation. Until then, from me to other women striving for success in traditionally male dominated fields,
2.04.2013
Field Trip: Natural Cemetery
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| Ramsey Creek Preserve; Westminster, SC |
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My business wheels started turning. What were the selling features of a natural burial? Challenges? Downsides?
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| Chapel |
It was all very different and very, well, natural.
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| Two Graves |
If you have even the faintest curiosity about natural, green, or alternative burials, I highly encourage you to start your own research by checking out the website for this unconventional cemetery, which is one of the few in the nation. If you have questions, I'd be more than happy to answer the ones I can and find out answers for the ones I can't. And, if you're really interested, go for a visit yourself. You won't be disappointed.
1.22.2013
Putting the 'Fun' in Funerals
When people find out I'm training to be a funeral director, one of the more common questions I get asked is "Aren't you depressed all the time?"
The answer is: "No." (Imagine me rolling my eyes).
While I may be around death and bodies and people crying all the time, and while I may have attended close to 100 funerals this past year, my job is anything but depressing. It can be chaotic, stressful, and demanding, but it can also be really fun and challenging. Sometimes it is even slow and boring and we all get to go home early, which is fun too.
Creativity is key. What would you do if you were presented with a family who wants Dale Earnhardt embroidered on the inside of the casket panel? What about with a family who expects an open casket for a person who was decapitated? How do you gently tell a grieving widower that his wife's bra is too big? (Disclaimer: I can answer all of those questions, though not from true personal experience. Yet.).
I have some really great co-workers and we are able to keep the atmosphere pretty light and productive. The truth is that our wheels are always turning and our minds are going so many different directions in a given moment that we don't have time or energy to be depressed about death. Here's a snapshot:
The answer is: "No." (Imagine me rolling my eyes).
While I may be around death and bodies and people crying all the time, and while I may have attended close to 100 funerals this past year, my job is anything but depressing. It can be chaotic, stressful, and demanding, but it can also be really fun and challenging. Sometimes it is even slow and boring and we all get to go home early, which is fun too.
Creativity is key. What would you do if you were presented with a family who wants Dale Earnhardt embroidered on the inside of the casket panel? What about with a family who expects an open casket for a person who was decapitated? How do you gently tell a grieving widower that his wife's bra is too big? (Disclaimer: I can answer all of those questions, though not from true personal experience. Yet.).
I have some really great co-workers and we are able to keep the atmosphere pretty light and productive. The truth is that our wheels are always turning and our minds are going so many different directions in a given moment that we don't have time or energy to be depressed about death. Here's a snapshot:
Now multiply that by 4 or 5 deaths/week (or 16 if it was the week before Christmas)... and that's what funeral directing is like.
(Disclaimer: we always forget at least one thing.)
There are moments when I question my sanity. Like when I'm standing out at a graveside in a torrential downpour or sweltering heat. Or when I'm staying late to suture incisions in a corpse after a difficult embalming. Or when I'm on hold with an insurance company. Again.
At the end of the day, we all know that funerals are for the living. As funeral directors, we do what we can to make the process run as smoothly as possible and we cross our fingers that everyone is satisfied with the results of our labors. This is a service industry and it always will be, and I think it's important to be able to have a little fun along the way. I can assure you we all have a healthy respect for the job we do and a distinct sense of reverence for the dead. Our serious moments just need to be tempered by humor every once in a while. It really is gratifying when you sit back and let it all unfold. Maybe somebody cracks a joke at a funeral or tells a funny story to make everyone laugh. Maybe you didn't put up a tent at the cemetery because, "Mama always liked to see the blue sky..." and that was the one day in the week it wasn't forecasted to rain. Maybe the music was just the right volume or the lipstick was just the right shade. On those days, I can walk away knowing I've done my job well. And who doesn't like that feeling? |
| Photo credit: http://www.digdang.com/image/just_buried/5135/ |
1.06.2013
52 weeks
52 weeks isn't really that long if you think about it. 52 Sundays, 52 Mondays, 52 TGIF's.
Each week holds routines, challenges and opportunities. In the funeral business, no two weeks are ever the same.
Each week leads to another and another until we find ourselves here again, staring down the barrel at a new set of 52 weeks.
It's January. It's a new year! And think about it, this week has never happened before and it will never happen again.
I'm not one for resolutions, but I do see the value in stopping to take a good look at areas of our lives that need some attention. Whether that means sprucing up or re-prioritizing or whathaveyou, I wish you all the best.
I've always been a planner {insert funeral director joke here} and I like to look at things long-term whenever possible. I know that this year will bring many changes and challenges. One of those challenges being a national DUAL licensure exam (for funeral directing and embalming) in July. Which means I have approximately 27 weeks to prepare for it. Not that I'm counting.
Classes at my much beloved technical school resume next week. Books arrived two weeks ago and my nose will be in them for the next few months....along with work, and life, and death, and all the other things like grocery shopping and exercise. Maybe a vacation or two. We'll see.
In whatever this year brings you, may you have joy and peace!
Each week holds routines, challenges and opportunities. In the funeral business, no two weeks are ever the same.
Each week leads to another and another until we find ourselves here again, staring down the barrel at a new set of 52 weeks.
It's January. It's a new year! And think about it, this week has never happened before and it will never happen again.
I'm not one for resolutions, but I do see the value in stopping to take a good look at areas of our lives that need some attention. Whether that means sprucing up or re-prioritizing or whathaveyou, I wish you all the best.
I've always been a planner {insert funeral director joke here} and I like to look at things long-term whenever possible. I know that this year will bring many changes and challenges. One of those challenges being a national DUAL licensure exam (for funeral directing and embalming) in July. Which means I have approximately 27 weeks to prepare for it. Not that I'm counting.
Classes at my much beloved technical school resume next week. Books arrived two weeks ago and my nose will be in them for the next few months....along with work, and life, and death, and all the other things like grocery shopping and exercise. Maybe a vacation or two. We'll see.
In whatever this year brings you, may you have joy and peace!
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