When Funerals are Beautiful

Death is not usually thought of as beautiful. There isn't much about it that is beautiful or pretty or even pleasant. There is, however, beauty in the remembering, in the time taken to pause and reflect, in the care shown by others. There is also a certain beauty that comes only with age. A dignity. A presence.
     There are few things more beautiful than a group of white-haired Southern belles giggling like schoolchildren. Their steps may not be as spry nor as smooth as they once were, but they come bumbling up the walkway nonetheless. Their hands may be gnarled and shaky, but their dress and seasoned voices are, in a word, elegant. Though they are in mourning of a dear friend, they still know what to hold onto in this life. They shush each other as they clamor up the church steps. My imagination hopes they are recounting a scandalous story of days gone by, of young love and late nights. Then again, perhaps it is a story of the children, saying things that only children do. The children, after the nights of rocking them to sleep, of worrying over them and bathing them and gently smoothing their hair. The children who would grow up only to refuse to eat their broccoli and then get all those speeding tickets. The children who are gathered here today too, sitting in the front pew. The ones who have children of their own now, who might be experiencing this thing called death for the first time. The ones who came here to remember and to honor the beauty in the life that was lived.
    There aren't many things about death that are beautiful, but it is my job as a funeral professional to make more of them come into being. Preparing the body, washing hair, buttoning shirts, tying ties, painting nails, positioning in the casket.... All of it to be sure the good memories are talked about, laughed about, and held onto for just a little while longer.

     So we set out the flowers and turn on the lights and make sure the Kleenex's are within arm's reach. We smooth the fabric in the casket and speak gently as much as we can. We print out the programs and, if you're lucky, we might even wash the cars. We bow our heads when you bow yours. As you open your hymnal to "How Great Thou Art," we stand in the back and sing along because we know it by heart. And it is beautiful.

Are You Smarter than a Funeral Director?

I'm in the throes of preparing for my National Board Examinations in funeral directing and embalming, which I will be taking in less than a month (eeek!). I thought I would invite you along on the journey by offering you the opportunity to take a short quiz of your very own. Below, you will find 10 questions covering a variety of topics in funeral service. Take the quiz to see if you have what it takes to be a funeral director. If you're really brave, post your own answers in the comment section. The answer key has been inserted at the bottom so you can compare your answers with mine.

1) The term for placing cremated remains into a final container is:
     A. Entombment
     B. Interment
     C. Inurnment
     D. Cremains interment

2) It is an FTC requirement that which of the following must be offered to customers for their information and retention?
     A. Casket Price List
     B. Outer Burial Container Price List
     C. General Price List
     D. All of the above

3) According to OSHA, the formaldehyde standard for short term exposure is:
     A. 0.5 ppm/8 hours
     B. 2 ppm/15 minutes
     C. 0.75 ppm/2 hours
     D. 0.75 ppm/30 minutes

4) Embalming is usually not practiced by members of which religious tradition:
     A. Mormon
     B. Jewish Orthodox
     C. Catholic
     D. non-liturgical Protestant

5) Statement of Death by Funeral Director form:
    A. SSA-8
    B. Form 40-1330
    C. DD-214
    D. SSA-721

6) Which of the following is one of the first organs to decompose?
     A. Lining of the trachea
     B. Mesentery
     C. Nonpregnant uterus
     D. Urinary bladder

7) In a Roman Catholic Funeral Mass, the casket of a lay-person is traditionally placed:
    A. Horizontally in front of the altar
    B. With the foot end towards the altar
    C. With the head end towards the altar
    D. None of the above

8) The path of one drop of blood travelling away from the heart to the right forearm:
     I. axillary artery
     II. brachiocephalic artery
     III. brachial artery
     IV. subclavian artery

     A. I, II, IV, III
     B. III, II, I, IV
     C. III, IV, I, II
     D. II, IV, I, III

9) Which of the following is a postmortem physical change?
     A. livor mortis
     B. postmortem caloricity
     C. rigor mortis
     D. postmortem stain

10) Sorbitol is an example of a:
     A. Disinfectant
     B. Buffer
     C. Humectant
     D. Solvent

Ok, folks, here are the answers:

1. C-Inurnment

2. C-General Price List

3. B-2ppm/15 minutes

4. B-Jewish Orthodox

5. D-SSA-721

6. A-lining of the trachea

7. B-with the foot end towards the altar

8. D-brachiocephalic, subclavian, axillary, brachial

9. A-livor mortis (intravascular discoloration)

10. C-Humectant

I've had complaints that the quiz was too difficult, and to be honest, I'm not sure the majority of morticians could get all these questions right. These few questions, however, are remarkably representative of the kinds of things asked on my upcoming licensure exams. I hope it at least gives you a glimpse into the wide, wide range of topics and issues involved in funeral service. Next time you see one of us mortician types standing around at a funeral or a graveside, remember what all we've done to get to that point. As always, if you would like more information about anything you see here, please feel free to ask.