Cremailing Cremains

I walk into the post office with a small, white cardboard box. It weighs about 2 lbs. ...maybe more.... I don't know. Before the cremation, the body weighed close to 250 lbs... I know this because I helped transport it to the crematory.

  The box contains the cremated remains, aka "cremains," of an individual whose family lives in another state. They made arrangements with our funeral home to have us perform the cremation and mail the ashes, or cremains, to them when it was completed. We obtained the necessary paperwork and went about our business. Amidst it all, however, I couldn't help but think of how different that kind of situation is. It seems so detached and unusual to receive a box of cremains in the mail. It is happening more and more often, however. 

  As I stand in line at the post office, one of the postal workers gives me a sideways glance. She recognizes me. I come here often to mail letters and buy stamps for the funeral home. Every once in a while, I come to mail cremains (and as my dad reminded me....I sometimes call it "cremailing")

   I walk up to the counter and place the box on the scale. I tell the attendant I need to pay postage on the package. She asks if there is anything liquid, perishable or potentially hazardous inside. I say, "No, but this box does contain cremated human remains." Her eyes widen a bit and she quickly diverts her attention to the computer screen. She doesn't say anything, and I wonder outloud if she has heard of the new label the USPS has announced they will start using for cremated remains. She says she hasn't. I'm a little disappointed. I watch as she attaches the certified mail receipt to the box. I tap my keys on the counter as I wait for the total to appear on the credit card machine. I swipe the card and thank her for her service as I walk away. 

  The USPS is the only shipping service that will mail cremains. Companies such as FedEx and UPS will not because they do not assume responsibility for anything that is not replaceable. And of all the things that are not replaceable on this earth, cremains certainly make the short list. 

  People often ask about the process of cremation and about how we go about getting the 'ashes' (cremains) into an urn or into cremation jewelry. It is a fascinating process and honestly, I love talking about cremation and cremains. I even use the word "cremains" in casual conversation because it is just plain fun to say. It makes people chuckle.....then they start asking questions.....and probably end up finding out more than they ever thought they could know about it.

 It brings me joy to shed a little light on the subject.

 Have you ever received cremains in the mail? 

 What burning questions do you have about cremation? (haha... burning.... get it? Mortician joke.)  

Feel free to post questions in the comment section below or on the Facebook link. 

If you ask, I might write a blog post about it next time!

I'm Sorry For Your Loss

When a death occurs we say it often: "I'm sorry for your loss." Because what else do you say? I am the first to admit the phrase became overused and empty for me a long time ago, but the message behind it still rings true.....
     On any given day, I meet total strangers during one of the worst times in their lives. They are people in various stages of grief, and I often have to take a step back and remind myself of that fact. It sometimes means having to repeat a question numerous times to an elderly widow because maybe she was distracted by the bouquet of flowers sent from her college roommate or maybe she simply didn't understand what I was asking. Maybe the phone is ringing off the hook at a house and my walking in the door with 10 folding chairs is not a priority at the time. I quietly place them by the front door and wait patiently to ask if the family needs anything else right then. I shake hands saying, "I'm sorry for your loss," on my way out. Maybe I get back in the van and eat my lunch while going back to the funeral home and jam out to the radio, because for me, this is an ordinary day. For the people I serve, however, it is anything but.  See, while a death may be one of the most painful things your family can face, to us funeral personnel, it's a daily occurrence. It's what we do. It's why we don't let our cell phones get out of sight, and why our closets are filled with dark, muted colors. It's not always easy, but it is not supposed to be. 

     When a death occurs, it is likely that the family is next to clueless as to what to do. As soon as the phone call is made to the funeral home, however, a process begins. We make checklists. We label clothing. We label people. We order flowers and caskets and vaults and mark graves to be dug. We make a list and check it twice in hopes of minimizing mistakes (unfortunately, we are only human and mistakes still happen...).
     In this service based industry, each situation, each family, each deceased individual is different. Each has a story, yet each comes with a unique set of challenges. I would be remiss to say that each funeral is the same ol' same ol'....because it's not. We have a basic procedure to follow, but the details in between are as varied as the day is long. We really are sorry for your loss, but our way of saying it is by taking the necessary care to do the behind the scenes work to help you share about and honor your loved one.
     So yes, I'll come back to open the funeral home for the hairdresser at 7 PM, and yes, I'll clean up the water spill from when you knocked over the vase of flowers, and yes, I'll even go with you when you come to town, 20 years after your father was buried, and help you locate his grave in the cemetery. It's the 'funeral director way' of saying, "I'm sorry for your loss," even when the words fail.